To see through “a glass”- a mirror - darkly is to have an obscure vision of reality. The expression comes from the writings of the Apostle Paul discussing the limitations of human perception and understanding. The imagery of seeing through a glass darkly suggests that our view of ourselves is veiled and imperfect, our reflection is unclear or incomplete.
For me, this phrase highlights an idea in Positive Psychology known as differentiation – a process of detangling our true selves from the self that was constructed in our childhood. Our perception of ourselves is obscured by all the ways that we had to adapt to our environment, as an infant we developed behavioural and thought patterns based on the ideas, beliefs and values of our caregivers.
Differentiation requires asking the questions: Whose life am I really living? And am I basing my life on my own personal beliefs, values and desires? Often the answer is a resounding no, as we find ourselves trying to live up to the expectations of others. We do this because we feel that we must in order to survive, as we did as infants. However, it no longer serves us as adults.
“Happiness found me the day I stopped looking for it in others and discovered it within myself.”- Meryl Streep
We cannot truly be happy and fulfilled if we are looking through the glass darkly. That is to say, if we are continuing to perceive ourselves and place expectations on ourselves that are not aligned with who we truly are. In order to know who we truly are, we need to do a little investigating to discover what is obscuring our vision. Here are four steps that you can take:
STEP ONE | Identify the destructive thoughts of your critical inner voice.
STEP TWO | Recognise negative behavioural or thought patterns from an early caregiver.
STEP THREE | Identify the ways that you have learned to defend your negative behavioural or thought patterns. What were you protecting as a child and do you still need this protection?
STEP FOUR | Discover and develop your own ideas, values and beliefs about what a good life means and how to live a life that is true to who you really are.
Naturally, being human, we will never achieve perfect clarity because we are always changing and evolving along with our environment. Life is inherently messy and complex, however we can dust the shelves in our minds so that we can begin to see ourselves more clearly. And in doing so, have more agency to live a life that is aligned with our truest nature. Happiness may be elusive but it is far more graspable when we can look inside and see our true beauty.
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.” - Edward Estlin Cummings
This meditation was inspired by Why We Don’t See Ourselves Clearly.