Traditionally a time to celebrate rejuvenation and fertility in the peak of spring, which for us in the Southern hemisphere is in October.
Today we can celebrate and rejuvenate our body-minds by healing any parts of ourselves that block our capacity to feel pleasure. This begins first by acknowledging our sexuality and all that entails, which in our culture is to slowly lift the burdens of generational pain and repression. If you are not inclined to dance naked around a fire with a group of people then read on for other ways to feel validated, empowered and sexy in your own skin.
Now that we are well and truly clear of the wild wet winter of this year we may begin to feel more energised, more radiant, more juicy and alive! As with the tradition of Beltane it is a relevant time to acknowledge our sexuality and capacity to feel pleasure because it is the time of exuberance and blossoming. It can be a delicate topic with difficult feelings involved, if that is the case for you then let it be an opportunity to slowly peel off the layers. Let’s ride the highs of spring as we touch on some not so sexy sex stuff in order to lighten the load.
There’s no doubt that in our diabolic repressive and yet explicitly illicit sexual culture we have some stagnant or unrealistic ideas that would do well to be aired in the light of a warm spring day. Sexual healing is so much of a cliché that it’s often misunderstood as a simple problem of moving from low libido to high libido. We are not that simple! Our sexuality and capacity to feel pleasure is impacted by everything, from our work stress, to our body shame, to our familial conditioning, to our cultural norm of what is sexy, and so on.
If you do not feel “normal” then that is because of a massive faux pas of our culturally warped brainwashing menace of ‘normality’ but there is nothing wrong with you! I repeat, there is nothing wrong with you. The caveat being that if you experience pain during sexy times then you’d be best to seek medical attention to address it. Other than that, no matter what you look like, no matter how you get turned on, or whether you get turned on at all, you are normal. And if the term normal is not one you like to subscribe to then just know that there is nothing wrong with you.
We are all made of the same stuff just arranged differently. These are the words of sex expert Emily Nagoski author of Come As You Are, a highly recommended book if you are interested in the science of sexuality.
We are all made of the same stuff just arranged differently. This is true in all areas of sex whether physically or psychologically. We all develop in the womb with the same sex organs which then differentiate into infinite forms of vulvas, penises, and everything in between. We all have psychological turn ons and turn offs, they simply manifest as uniquely as our personalities do. We are all equally sexy. Many, way too many of us experience sexual assault, sexual repression or sexual shame in our crucial developmental years, if not all the way through into adulthood. In this regard we are hurt and we can heal but we are still not broken or unfixable, and there is still nothing wrong with us.
How we respond to and cope with sexual repression or shaming is to shut down in order not to feel. In other words we become numb. What is sexuality all about? Vulnerably delicate, exquisite sensation. Which requires being safe in order to feel sensitive. If you feel shut down, numb or just unsexy then here are 5 ways that you can enhance your capacity for pleasure, allow your body the opportunity to heal and give you a sense of satisfaction no matter what your sex life looks like...
1. TASTE
Choose on beverage or meal a day where you can slow down and engage your senses in a mindful meditative way. Take your time. Close your eyes. Smell the aroma. Let yourself linger in the desire a little longer before taking a sip or a bite. Breathe at least 3 breaths in between each mouthful, allow the sensation to linger and enjoy the taste even in its most subtle state. Do this every damn day.
2. TOUCH
We shower every day and yet we often don't think about how exquisite that experience is and how lucky we are to have our own personal hot waterfall. How would you luxuriate in your body sensations if you were walking through the bush, dirty, sweaty and as the sun was setting you came across a hot waterfall? No doubt you would revel in it like a cat revelling in the sun. Let the sensation in.
3. SOUND
Go for a walk on the beach or in the bush. Sit or lie down and close or cover your eyes, make sure you are comfortable so that you won't be distracted. Listening to sound is a subtle practise and the other senses tend to take over. Put a 5 minute timer on your phone or press play on a 5 minute nature sound meditation. Be there. Hear it. Feel it. That is it.
4. SIGHT
As our most boastful sense, our goal here is to become more sensitive to the subtleties and intricacies of tone and shape in every day objects. Take one object from your home and place it on a table with nothing else around it. Grab a piece of paper and pencil or pen, if you are creatively inclined then go wild with felts, paints, charcoal or crayons. You do not need to be "good" at drawing, just draw what you see. That could be precise detail of the object or it could be Picasso-esque 2D or it could be Pollock-esque splotches of colour. What do you see?
5. SCENT
If you use essential oils and wear perfume on a daily basis then the first thing to do is to stop doing that for a week and let your nose become resensitized to your natural body scent. After a week or so, choose one essential oil or your favourite perfume and spray or drop it onto a tissue. Close your eyes and inhale the scent, then open your eyes and write down the memories, emotions or thoughts that came to your mind. If you do not like essential oils or perfume then do this exercise with the scent of your favourite food, favourite spring blossom, or favourite herbal tea!
Do one of each of these exercises every day over the next week and notice how you feel after each one. Do these exercises for a month and notice how you might begin to feel more attuned to the pleasurable subtleties in every day life. Do these exercises like they are just part of your lifestyle and notice how satisfied you become with less and less stimulus. When we slow down and notice the exquisite sensory impact of the little things then our capacity for pleasure grows and feeling satisfied becomes a way of life.
Follow the link to our latest RED BINDU meditation which is a focused tantrik practise to enhance your awareness and sensitivity in the area of your pelvis. Enhancing the connection of your sexual energy with the grounding rejuvenating energy of the earth through breath and visualisation. Give yourself a personal challenge by doing this practise every day for the whole month of October. Notice how that might give you a greater sense of sexual empowerment or simply a greater acceptance of your sexiness just as you are.