My mum always told me to wear sunscreen and that I’d regret sunbathing once I got to my 30’s. She was right. But I like to live by Billie Holidays philosophy of – no regrets – so when I see my sunspots I reframe my mums voice to say that my skin shows my love of the sun. Just as my eye wrinkles show my love of deep belly laughter, my pimples show my fertile time of the month, and my brow lines show my ability to think philosophically!
You see, beauty is really not about blemish-free skin, wrinkle-free skin, pigment-free skin. We all know this already, we recognise real beauty when we see it, because we feel it. And yes, we can feel it by looking in the mirror on a good day, but good days are not every day, so why should we settle for that? Do you want to feel beautiful every damn day? I sure do. That’s not to say that it’s not ok to have days of being down or frumpy, or whatever. It’s simply to say that beauty can be felt in all frames of mind and with all sense (not just sight).
Beauty can be seen through all lens too. We just need to take the focus away from what is ‘wrong’ or ‘imperfect’, to what is going well. It’s that old chestnut of cognitive bias at play. We hyperfocus on what is bad (a cluster of pimples and a new patch of grey hair) rather than look for evidence of what is good (our 10/10 signature lip tint and that fact that we remembered to take our cod liver oil). In order to feel beautiful from the inside-out we need constant reminders of what is going right.
It's no good hearing it from me or anyone else in your life, even if you think you need a compliment from your crush, praise from your peers, or your recognition from your colleagues, you don’t. It must come from within. Sure, it will feel good in the moment, but unless you believe it you will soon feel empty again and hungry for the next external boost of confidence to bolster your self esteem. When you can respond to a compliment, praise or recognition with neither bashfulness nor denial, you will know that you believe it.
Feeling beautiful is not about being up yourself or egotistical. It is more akin to a calm inner knowing of your innate worth. It is both deep and wise, as well as playful and fun. You can take yourself seriously, trusting in who you are, and you can also take yourself lightly, laughing at your human foibles. Beauty is a mindset embodied, the mindset of courage and humility. The courage to truly be all of you, whole and complete, and the humility to appreciate that you are always learning, growing, and evolving.
How do you embody this beautiful paradox?